Our Little Secret (first part)

The Secret Refuge


BGM: JS ft Hyuna - The Words I Don't Want To Hear



[Hyuna]

I knew it will happen. This sensational act was purposed to rise this kind of news. Yeah, we had to perform a shocking act on the stage. And yes, everybody in the company had considered this kind of breakthrough will make us more and more famous. And I have to be ready for any consequences. Haters will more to come. I am very much ready for that. Many people hate me already, what makes it more different by having more haters?

“Hyuna-ah! Daebak! Your kissing act on the stage last week is still the most popular news in many sites!”, said Jihyun-eonni.

“It’s succeed then...” I said unwillingly.

“Waeyo? Shireoyo?”, asked Jihyun-eonni.

“Aniya... It’s just... It’s what they want... It is what the company want. I’m dancing sexily and kissing the sexy namja on the stage and boom! It becomes hit everywhere...hahaha...” I said and laughed a little.

“Are you not feeling well?” asked Jihyun-eonni “Do you have to clarify that it’s just an act? Not a real kiss, right? Are you afraid of haters?”

“Aniya, eonni. Gwenchana.” I smiled. “Kokjong hajima...”

I put on my dancing shoes and my bag on my shoulder. “I have to go, eonni. I have to practice with hyunseung-oppa.”

I walked out of the dorm.

“Hyuna-ah... are you sure you’re okay? If you have any problem with this just tell me, I’ll help you to tell sajangnim...”

“Gwenchana eonni... Annyeong...” I waved my hand and closed the dorm door.

***

I am here again. Staring at every corner of the room. This room is different from the room I used to be few years ago. Yes, few years ago...

It was past midnight. I heard a sound of music in one of rooms in this company. I opened it slowly. It was a large room, almost like storage room, not practice room. There were many unused things such as old mixers, sound systems, microphone, radio tape, broken chair, bench, table, ladders and many other things I couldn’t mention. But then, I saw someone dancing beautifully right in the middle of the room in front of a mirror cupboard. I was stunned by his moves. So alive and soulful. I clapped my hands as soon as the music stopped. He saw me in shocked.

“Who... are... you?” He asked me while trying to take a breath.

“Ah! Annyeong haseyo! Kim Hyuna imnida” I bowed.

“Ah! Hyuna? Wonder Girls?” He asked while wiping his sweat with towel.

I gulped. My face stiffened.

“That was an old story...” I mumbled.

He took a bottle of water and started drinking. Then, he stared at me.

“Sorry... I didn’t mean... Umm... that must be hard for you...”

I nodded.

“I’m so sorry. I know... I know how it feels...” He said as if he really knew how it felt. At that time, I thought he tried to console me or he tried to ask an apologize because he kept staring at me in guilty face.

“Aniya... Gwenchana...” I sighed. “I have buried all my dreams in Wonder Girls and now, I’m here trying to build some new dreams. This is what I call ‘Mission Impossible’, do you do the same?”

“Guerae?” He looked away and packed his things into his bag.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” He zipped his bag. “I’m doing mission impossible.”

“So, let’s do our best!” I cheer ourselves up.

He turned his body to me “But, still... Sorry for earlier...”

“Hmm... It’s okay! As long as we’re still alive and do our best. Don’t give up! That’s what Hong-sajangnim said to me, I almost gave up my dream, but he came to me and said such things. And now, I’m trying to do my best again. We still have long way to go. There is still a chance to reach our dream. That’s what Hong-sajangnim said to me. I think, to you too...”

“Hm... He’s right.” He nodded. ‘Well, anyway... my name is Jang Hyunseung. It seems like we will meet often.”

 “ah! Hyuna, you’re here” A familiar sound woke me up from my memories of past.

“Ya! Oppa! You’re late!” I yelled at Hyunseung-oppa.

“Hahaha... Mianhae... Come on, let’s practice!” 

“Eung~!”

***

[Hyunseung]

Past midnight. It was just two of us. Everybody else have gone home. We’re still practicing for our  performances on music shows. I stared at her reflection in the mirror.

“You missed this part again!” I nagged.

She tried to take a breath. “Stop oppa, stop for a while. I’m tired.”

She walked away to the bench in the corner of the room, took a bottle of water and drank.

“Tsk!” I’m so annoyed.

I practiced my moves in front of the mirror alone. Well, let her alone there. I’m tired. She’s tired. I just don’t wanna yell at her anymore.

“Oppa, let’s go home. I’m tired. Let’s continue tomorrow. Everyone else had gone home since hours ago...”

“You want go home? Then go home!”

“Ha? Mwoya?” He ran to me and hit my head.

“Ya!” I yelled.

She laughed out loud.

“Ya! Hyuna-ah!” I chased her. She ran around the practice room.

I caught her in the waist. She tried to kick me. “Ya! Oppa! Let me go!”

We laughed a lot that night. How could I forget about practicing? How could I play chasing with her? 

“Geumanhae.” I said coldly few minutes later while releasing my arms from her waist. “Let’s practice again.”

“Oppa, you really can’t play, can you?” She teased me again.

“This is not playground. It’s a serious thing!” I walked away from her and started to dance again.  

Suddenly, she ran toward me again and started dancing to the chorus of “Troublemaker” song. We ended up dancing seriously. 

***

I called Jintaek-hyung as soon as I finished our practice. He’ll be here in few minutes. I waited for him in from of the company building.

“Oppa!” Hyuna dashed to me as she finished packing things. “Can I go home with you?”

I glared at her and she unnecessarily made aegyo on her face. “Jebal....” she said cutely.

I sighed. “Hmm...”

“Gomawoyaung...” she again made aegyo.

“How are you?”

“Eh?”

“Our performance on stage last week was a hit. It still becomes news everywhere. How are you? Are you still okay with that?”
"With what? The kissing or the news?"
"Both."

“Ahahaha! Gwenchana oppa. It's usual thing for me." 
"What is the usual thing? The kissing or the news?" I asked confusedly. 
"Both." She answered shortly.
We hesitated.  
"Then... what about you?”, She asked me back.  
I hesitated for a while and gulped my saliva. I didn't dare to see her face. 

“Well... Hmm... It’s troublesome.” 

“Mwo?!!” She yelled.

“Anyway, we’re troublemakers, right? So, it’s okay if it’s troublesome.” I side-eyed her.  

She wrinkled her eyebrows.

A van honked at us.

“Hyung!” I ran into the van.

“Ah! Jintaek-oppa! Annyeong haseyo!” She followed me. “Can you take me to my dorm?”

“Sure, why not?”

She sat beside me happily. I looked away through the window. I would not talk to her along the way home. But, I was wrong. She was so silent. It’s so weird. She was likely to be so talkative. I looked at her. There she is! Sleeping so safe and sound. I thought she was really really tired.

“Hyung... please drive slowly.” I said to Jintaek-hyung.

“Araseo.” Answered Jintaek hyung.

I hold her head and placed it to my shoulder. It was so long time ago. So long ago I liked to do this. I smiled a little bit.

***

[Hyuna]

Our debut as troublemakers was daebak. Still, there were always controversy. Haters are still buzzing around me but that doesn’t matter I knew my fans will always back me up. Yeah, at least everything went well according to the plan. Our debut, our regular practice, our stage performance... all went well. 

However, there is still one thing that doesn’t go well. It’s my feeling to him. I just can’t get rid of it. People may say that I work as a professional, yet they don’t know what’s inside my heart. How my heart always beats faster lately. How I hardly can take a breath properly lately. It’s because of him.

We will have a trip to America, just the two of us. No, actually, all united cube has first  boarded to America. It left two of us. Hyunseung oppa and me will go to America after our music show ended.

“Oppa! Let’s take our selca!”, I said as soon as we got into the plane. “Our fans will scream crazily and happily kekeke.”

“Geurae?”

We ended up taking selca and I uploaded it my account.

“Oppa, do you know that many people want us to be real couple?” I giggled. 

“Hmm... so that what they want? Do you want it too?” He asked as he put on earphone.

I stayed still. I couldn’t answer his damn question. I pretended to be busy playing my phone.

“Excuse me.” A stewardess came to us. “Please turn off your phone, we’re about to board. Thank you.”

We turned off our phone and the plane started to board.

For couple of hours ahead we would just sit here side by side doing nothing. I guessed sleeping was the best thing to do. But, my mind kept wandering around. I looked away at the window. It’s dark. Absolutely, it's past midnight flight. 

Suddenly, something rather heavy fell on my shoulder. Hyunseung-oppa’s head laid on my shoulder. My heart beat faster. I held his hand. It was years ago. Some years ago. We liked to do this thing...

“Secret refuge?” he asked as he turned off the music. “What do you mean?”

It was few months after our first met and few months before I debuted as 4minute. We had been so close.

“Mm.” I nodded. “Let this place become our secret refuge. A secret place just for the two of us.”

He looked around the place. “Is this a secret place? I think everyone knew this place already.”

“aniya oppa. That’s not what I mean! You see? This place is more like a storage room. Are you sure you are allowed to use this place as your practice room?”

“Well, I don’t know. I just want to use it because I want to practice alone and I don’t find any available room.”

I sighed. “Babo!” I yelled and went away.

Hyunseung oppa chased me. “Hyuna-ah! Where are you going?”

“I don’t know! I want to go away from you. I hate you.”

“Waeyo?” He pulled my hand.

“You don’t understand oppa.”

“Okay. Okay. If that's what you want. Let that place become our secret refuge.” 

I sighed again. “That’s why I said you don’t understand oppa!”

I released my hand from him and ran away. 

I giggled remembering that piece of memory. What a silly girl!

Hyunseung-oppa woke up from my giggling. I was shocked and released his hand of me. He brushed his eyes.

“Waeyo? Something funny?” He yawned.

I shaked my head and looked away to the window again.

“Don’t do weird thing.”

I glared at him. “What do you mean weird?”

 “Don’t do aegyo.”

“Jaljayaung... Hyunseungie-oppa eung... Here you are, satisfied?” 

“Go to sleep. You will be exhausted if you don’t sleep.”

He closed his eyes again.

“Hah? What was that for?”

He held my hand and placed his head on my shoulder again. “Go to sleep hyuna-ah...”

My heart skipped a beat. 

“Ne... oppa...” I whispered.

I closed my eyes.
I had a dream. On this floating plane I dreamed about fragments of memories some years ago. 

I peeked at that storage. Hyunseung-oppa was sitting in the middle of the room, staring at his reflection on the mirror cupboard. What is he doing?, I thought.

It’s been two weeks since I fought with him about secret refuge. I never came to the storage since that day. 

He stood up, took his bag, walked outside. I tried to hide but it was too late.

“Hyuna?!” He called me.

“Ha!” I ran away.

“Wait!” He pulled my arms. “What happened with you?”

I shook my head. “Nothing happened.” 

“Why do you disappear?”

“I do not disappear, just so you know. I always come to the practice room if you notice me.” 

“Tsk. Ara! Arayo! You came to practice room, yea, I knew it. I always see you coming to the practice room everyday... But... Ya! Hyuna-ah! Do you forget that we have made promise?” 

“What promise?”

“You really forget about that?” He released my arm and left me.

“Oppa! What promise?” I followed behind him. “Oppa. Tell me!”

He turned his body and walked back to the storage room.

“Ya! Oppa! Wait for me.”

He sat again in the middle of the room.

“Oppa... tell me... tell me... tell me... tell me...” I poked his arms with my index finger uncontinously while sitting beside him.

Hyunseung-oppa patted my head. “Can you stop doing that? Can you stop making me confused? Can you stop making unnecessary promise if you don’t even remember it?”

“Mianhae...oppa... so... won’t you tell me?”

He stood up and took a seat on the almost broken bench in the corner of the room.

“Do you remember our first met?”

I nodded.

“At that time you said we had to pretend that we didn’t know each other if we met in practice room. But then, Hong-sajangnim said that all trainees at least have to know each other's name and we ended  up greeted each other in front of other trainees as if we never met before.” 

I nodded again.

“But, then, you neglected me the day after. You seemed like you didn’t know me before. Yet, we liked to meet here after practicing.  And then you kept insisting that we had to keep pretending that we didn’t know each other or even the fact that we actually are very close to each other.” 

I nodded faster.

“So do you get it now?”

I still nodded.

“That’s why oppa still pretended not to know me or close to me in practice room up until now?”

“That’s why these two weeks I was just like a stupid waiting for you here.”

“Waeyo? Why are you waiting for me?”

He walked toward me and bent his knees in front of me so that we got face to face. He sighed.

“Why are you so stupid?” He nagged again.

“Hmm..... Is it because... because this place is our secret refuge...?” My question floated on the air like morning mist. The moment I realized those lips had taken my breath away. Those soft and wet lips were real. I was not dreaming yet I closed my eyes. Our first kiss. In The Secret Refuge.

***

[Hyunseung]

 “Excuse me, Mr and Ms, we have landed.” A stewardess tried to wake us up.

I lift my head and brushed my eyes with left hand. “Ah ye, thank you.”

My right hand was still holding her hand. She was still in deep sleep. I released my hand from her.

“Ya! Ireona! Hyuna-ah!”

She stayed still.

“Ya! Hyuna-ah!” I yelled right at her ear. “Ireona!!”

She woke up in shocked. Her eyes were swollen and I saw her drolling mark lined down on his cheek.

I laughed out loud. “Hahahahahahahahahaha!”

She combed her hair with her fingers confusedly. She looked down under her chair.

“Oppa, where are my shoes?” her voice cracked.

I laughed again. “Hahahahahahaha!”

“Oppa. Stop laughing and find my shoes!”

I walked out of the plane and left her alone. “Come on, Hyuna! We’re late.”

“Ya! Oppa! Wait for me!”

“Yaaa! Hyunaaaa Ppaliiiii!” I screamed as soon as I stepped on plane ladders.

As the long way to the hotel, Hyuna was just so quiet. It’s so unsual. Is it because what I did on the plane?

Well, she held my hand first, so, I think it’s okay if I also held her hand. That’s a common thing. We usually dance, touch, and held each other’s hand or any other body’s part.

Well, It should be a common thing. It should be... if those things never happened in the past, if those piece of memories never flash in my head, if those feelings never grow in me.

We entered the same building but we didn’t talk at all. We ended up having separate ways. I entered a room in the left where Beast’s members were. And she entered a room in the right where 4minute’s members were.

After all, we were just two strangers. Not knowing each other very well. That was our promise at that time. But, now, I’m paralyzed. Which one is pretending? We know each other very well or we don’t know each other very well? I am trapped. Trapped in her game. I should never get into her game. I should never open my heart for her.

“Ah! Hyunseung ah! You came!” Yoseob greeted me happily. He hugged me and patted my back.

All beast’s members were extremely happy seeing me come safely. Yet, they didn’t know, there was a hurricane inside my heart and mind.

-to be continued- 

-ultrautogia-