Wednesday, January 30, 2013

random short note


Bahkan saat semua orang meninggalkanku, menghinaku, menusukku dari belakang, mengkhianatiku, melupakanku, mengatakan hal-hal nggak baik tentangku, kamu masih ada untukku. Ada nggak ya orang yang kaya gitu? Sampai sekarang... aku belum menemukan orang yang seperti itu... Mungkin hanya perasaanku... Mungkin hanya pikiranku... Tapi... Memang itu yang sampai saat ini aku alami... Mungkin hanya Tuhan, hanya Tuhan saja pribadi yang bisa menjadi sosok pribadi yang ada dan setia untukku kapanpun dan dimanapun...


-ultrautogia-

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Our Little Secret (last part)



The Secret Promise



BGM: Hyuna ft Rado - Time




[Hyunseung]

“We will make a sexy collaboration with you both... it will be a big hit... we should also make a controversial act... like kissing...”
We stared at each other in silence.
“Ah! It seems so great!”, said Hyuna happily few seconds later. “I would like to collaborate with Hyunseung-oppa. It will be our first cooperation since I don’t really know Hyunseungie-oppa, I wish we could have great chemistry…”
“Geurae?” I smirked “Na do joha. Let’s do it.”
Those tiny conversation kept repeating in head. Sexy collaboration. Yes, absolutely. Only Hyuna and Hyunseung who have this image.
The photo shoot for album cover and photobook had ended few minutes ago. The photographer said that we had great chemistry. Of course, we have. We were used to be together. We were…
“Hyunseungie oppa.” Hyuna called me happily.
I turned my head at her.
She smiled widely. “From now on let’s have more and more and more good chemistry.” She bowed at me.
“What are you doing? Michyeoso?”
“I’m not crazy oppa, I’m serious. We have to be professional. It’s a job.” She patted my shoulders. “See you in practice room, oppa… Annyeong!”
She dashed out the photo shoot room. I smirked. She doesn’t change. She never changes. Still the same Hyuna that I used to know some years ago.
***
We have finished recording our all songs for troublemaker collaboration album. I decided to change my stage collaboration name into JS. Jay Stomp. The reason is I don’t want to hear collaboration between Hyunseung and Hyuna or Hyunseung featuring Hyuna. Let this be JS feat Hyuna. My unreal name. So that, the reality of Hyunseung and Hyuna are never together. Hyunseung and Hyuna remain strangers or two people who happened to work in the same company. And the fact is JS featuring Hyuna. JS and Hyuna. Not Hyunseung.
“Why do you change your name?”,she asked me as we finished recording. There were few persons in the recording room.
“Waeyo? It’s cool, I think. JS. Jay Stomp.”
she giggled.
“Waeyo? Waeyo?”
“Aniya oppa.”
“JS feat Hyuna – Troublemaker. Doesn’t it sound good?”
I just couldn’t let she or others know my real reason.
She still giggled.
“Doesn’t it sound good, hyung?”
Rado-hyung shrugged his shoulder. “Mollayo…”
Rado-hyung and Hyuna laughed out loud.
“YA!” I yelled at them.
***
“1, 2, 3, 4” She counted “5, 6, 7, 8”
We were in the practicing room. Learning our new dance moves for troublemaker debut. Our dancers had gone home. There were only me and Hyuna.
“Ya! You missed again!” I yelled. “Geumanhae. Let’s go home. We still have MV shooting tomorrow.”
I packed my bag, about to step out from the practice room. But, she still laid there on the floor.
“Ya! Hyuna-ah! Ppalli! Let’s go home!”
“Oppa, pull me up…!” She started her aegyo again. “Ppalli oppa… Pull me up…”
“Hhh…” I sighed. I pulled her up.
“Hehehe… gomawo...”
She put her bag and walked behind me.
“What new game do you play?” I asked her as we stepped outside the practice room.
“What game?”
“Ah… Nothing…”
***
[Hyuna]

We received our first award. I never expected this kind of things happened to us. We are really a great team. No, actually, we have really great team. And yes, I’m here sitting with my great team to celebrate our first award.
“Congratulation!” We screamed happily while tossing our glasses. I’m about to sip my drink. A hand grip my wrist.
“Don’t drink it.” Hyunseung-oppa stopped me. “It’s alcoholic. You can be drunk.”
I put down my glass.
“Here.” He handed me a glass of orange juice. “Drink this, instead.”
“Ne, oppa.”
The party went well. Some of them were drunk. But, after all, our hard work were paid well.
“Hyuna-ah, let’s go home. It’s late already. We still have to perform tomorrow.” Nagged Hyunseung-oppa. “I’ll take you home.”
“Eh?”
“We could ride taxi, right?”
“Taxi? Both of us? At this hour?” I checked my phone. “I’d better call…”
“You don’t need to call anybody. Just go home with me.”
I wear my coat in silence. He was ready to go from this place. He suddenly put on white-clothed-mask on my face and on his face.
“Kaja!” He pulled my wrist.
“Wait oppa.” I took two shawls from my bag. One shawl to cover his head. One shawl to cover my head.
“Kaja!” I smiled happily. Slowly and secretly leaving those people in the party.
Our dorms are not too far away from the restaurant which we had party earlier, so we decided to walk along the way to dorms.
Hyunseung-oppa still held my hand. It was so freezing. We hobbled along the way because our body were trembling.
“We are like a couple, aren’t we?” I asked.
“Geurae? Why do you think so?”
“Because we walk together along the way home.”
“Is that what couple do? I think many people can do the same. Not only couple.”
“Aaa, oppa. You don’t understand.”
“What? About what?”
“Stop asking, oppa! You’re so annoying?”
“Waeyo?”
“Stop it oppa.”
“Waeyo? Wae? Why can’t I ask?”
“You ask too much oppa, I can’t answer it.”
“Do I? Jinjja?”
I laughed. “Geumanhae, oppa.”
“Waeyo? Why do you laugh?”
I laughed harder.
“Oppa, do you remember those days?”
“What days?”
“Our days.”
“Our days? We never have our days.” He looked away.
“Hhh…” I sighed.
“Ah! That’s your dorm.” He released my hand. “See you….”
I saw his back slowly moved away from me.
“See you…” I whispered.
I hobbled into the dorm. We never have our days, he said.
That’s absolutely a lie. We really had our days.
We secretly date. Yes, after our first kiss, we were couple. We met everyday in the secret refuge. But, we had to hide it to everybody in this company, from our trainees friends, sajangnim, company crews, yes, everyone.
Hyunseung-oppa was still practicing in the storage room. I jumped into the room.
“Oppa!”
“Oh. You came.” He continued dancing. He wouldn’t care about anything when he danced. He danced so passionately.
I unpacked my bag. He came to me as soon as he finished practicing.
“This. For you.” I handed him a bar of chocolate.
“What’s this?”
I smiled widely, showing my white teeth to him.
“A chocolate? What for?”
“A chocolate is to eat, oppa.” I snatched the chocolate from his hand, opened the seals, crack a piece of chocolate, and forcefully push it into his mouth.
“Ya!” He yelled while chewing the chocolate.
“Hahaha!” I laughed.
“YA! Neo!”
I ran and dropped the chocolate. He took the chocolate and chased me.
“Come here you!”
He caught me and pushed the chocolate into my mouth. We ended up having our teeth turned to be brownish because of the chocolate stuck on our teeth.
“Oppa, I’m going to debut, soon.” We both laid side by side on the dirty floor, my head’s position was against his head’s position.
“It’s good then. But, you have ever debuted before…”
 “Second debut felt so frightening…”
“Hmm… every debut is frightening…”
“If I finally debut… what about us?”
“What about us? I don’t know. We are still us, I think.”
“Or there will be no more us?” I turned my head at his.
He stared deep into my eyes.
“Geurae. That’s what you want? No more us. Or actually, it’s indeed no us from the very beginning.”
I touched his cheek. “That’s not what I mean, oppa. You don’t understand.”
“About what? About us?”

“Oh! Hyuna-ah! You’re home already?” said Gayoon-eonni when she saw me crossing the kitchen.  
I woke up from my flashback moment.
“Hmm… eonni. Why don’t you sleep?” I yawned.
“I’m going to sleep. You, too, go to sleep. Good night.”
“Good night…” I said while opening the fridge and poured a water on the glass. I gulped so many cold water and sat alone in the kitchen.

“Let’s not think about tomorrow…” he whispered to my ear. Those pieces of memories flew around my mind again as soon as this dorm became quiet.
It was around a month before I debuted. We sat recklessly on broken couch found in the storage room. My head laid on his shoulder.
“Let’s just think about today… because today may be over soon…” He whispered again.
“Hmm…” I answered softly.
We mingled our hands in silence. He placed his head over my head. Slowly, we fell into deep sleep.
 
“Hyuna-ah! Go to sleep!” yelled Gayoon-eonni. “Turn off the lamp!”
“Ne eonni!” I turned the lamp off and hobbled to the room.

***
[Hyunseung]

The MV shooting is finally over. What a tiring day! I stretched my body and yawned as many as I want.  From this day went on, I have to be ready for any consequences. The fact is I connect with her again. That is the hardest thing.
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your hardwork.” I bowed on every person I met in the studio. Jintaek-hyung was already in the van. I dashed to the van which was parked in front of the studio. I dragged the van’s door.
“Annyeong, oppa!” She was there, waved her, and smiled so brightly.
“Why are you here?”
“It’s better to take her along also.” Said Jintaek-hyung.
“Ah. Hyung. I will sit in the front.” I closed the van door and moved to the seat in the front, beside Jintaek hyung.
I looked at the seat behind as I put on my seatbelt.
I glared her and opened my mouth in no sound “Neo michyeoso?”
She smirked.
I turned my head to the front. Yes, she is crazy, indeed.
“Where should we go?”, asked Jintaek-hyung.
“Do we have to go home?” I asked him back.
“Jintaek-oppa, I’m hungry. Let’s eat before we go home.”
I side-eyed her. “Aha! That’s a great idea!” I said sarcastically.
“Araseo.” answered Jintaek-hyung as he moved the car to the nearest restaurant.
It was a quiet restaurant. A late night restaurant. I put on mask over my face and so did Hyuna.
We ordered some meals and ate quietly.
“Ah! I’m full. I can’t finish this.” She quickly put some of her unfinished food in my bowl.
“Ya! Mwoya igo?”
“Finish it, oppa. Eheheheung…”
“You don’t want it?”, asked Jintaek-hyung while lifting his chopsticks on my bowl. “Let me finish…”
“No! It’s mine!” I covered my bowl with my hands.
“Aish…”
She laughed a lot. “You’re so funny, hyunseungie-oppa”
“Geurae? So you know now.”
***
“Hyung, I will sit behind.” I dragged the van door. Hyuna was already inside the van. She put earphone on her ears pretending not knowing me sitting beside her.
I took my earphone and put it into my ears. As the van moved, I yawned, and fell asleep. I felt warm hand on my hand. Is it her hand? Is it only a dream?
“Ireona!” yelled Jintaek hyung “Hyunseung-ah! Ireona!”
I opened my eyes. Looked around. Hyuna was not there beside me. I brushed my eyes and hobbled to the dorm. “Jaljayo, hyung”
***
“Kissing on the stage? Ahahaha! Is that for real? Me and Hyuna?” I pointed at myself and Hyuna.
“Well, yeah. That will be daebak.”
“I’m okay with that. After all, that’s just a performing act. Nothing serious. We can be tricky, right?”, answered Hyuna carelessly.
“Nah! Do you hear that? So what about you, hyunseung-ah?”
“Okay. Na do joha.”
We practiced that kissing part almost everyday. It was so weird to have people around seeing us pretending to kiss. We always ended up laughing or rolling on floor laughing out loud.
“Oppa! Be more serious!” She yelled.
“Mian mian… but this is just too funny. What about we practice alone, just the two of us? I can’t practice if they are still around…”
“Ya oppa! You’re so weird. We will be watched by thousands or maybe millions of people… or you actually don’t want to kiss me?”
“Eh?”
“It’s true, you don’t want to kiss me, right?”
“Ara… Ara… Let’s do it again.”
No. That’s not true. It’s not like I didn’t want to kiss you. Anyway, it was just a fake kiss. An act. 
*** 
The D-Day. Me and Hyuna was already on the stage. Dancing sexily and passionately. The fake kissing was about to come. I kissed her for real. The lamp dimmed off. The audience screamed crazily. Nobody knew whether I kissed her for real or not. We had to keep dancing until the music was over.
Few minutes after our performance, the news was flooding with our kissing performance, screencaps, and videos. Well, I don’t really care about that. It’s just an act. 
***


[Hyuna]

This week is the last week. Our goodbye stage on music shows. Few months had flown away. Our collaboration became hit everywhere. Many people liked it and even made cover on it. Yet, the fact the haters are still coming is undeniable. But, finally, I could end this promotion. Even, after this we may still perform as collaboration, we don’t need to meet very often.
We have received many awards and that’s enough for me. After this, I will continue my life as Kim Hyuna of 4minute. As well as he continues his life as Jang Hyunseung of Beast.
Again and again, we gathered here, in the same place, celebrating our last performance with my great team.
“For our hard work!” We tossed our glasses. I already had orange juice in my glass. No more alcoholic drinking.
“Hyunseungie-oppa” I stood up. “Thank you for your hard work these past months with me. Let’s become more and more professional idols.” I bowed.
He stood up and bowed at me. “Yes, you too.”
As night became darker and darker, some of our crew members went home, some of them were drunk, some of them were dancing on the floor. I was sitting side by side with Hyunseungie-oppa in silence. Just the two of us.
“Oppa… Do you remember my second debut day?” I stared blankly to the front.
“Oh.”
“That was a crazy night for me.”
My memories wandered around that time

I dialed his number. “Oppa, I finally had my second debut!” I screamed excitedly. I called him as soon as I got into my room.
“Congratulation!”
“I will do my best from now on. Oppa, you should also do your best. I believe your debut day will come.”
“Hmm… Araseo…”
“Oppa… To celebrate my second debut day…”
“Hmm… what do you want?”
“Let’s break up…”
We hesitated. There was an awkward silence in the air.
“Oppa… are you still there?”
“Geurae? Araseo. Let’s break up.”
My heart beat faster. It felt so painful. My tears fell down.
“Hmm… Let’s continue pretending not to know each other…” My voice trembled.
“Araseo…”
“Let’s keep pretending there are no us…” I cried.
“Hmm… Araseo…”
“Let’s keep all these as our little secret…” I cried harder.
“Hmm…”
“Gomawo oppa. Jinjja. Gomawoyo…” I wiped my tears.
“Gomawoyo… Hyuna-ah…”
“Goodbye oppa…”
“Goodbye…” 
***

[Hyunseung]

I buried everything all about you. But now, you come again in my life and grow something in me. I don't even know what I feel now. I'm just happy and annoyed when you're around. I sometimes don't know how to act because you still the same as you were before. So, I end up enjoying every moment with you.
Yet, I still don't know if this love or not. The fact that I was in love with you is the past. The past I used to forget. Now is now. Don't force me to remember old things.


[Hyuna]

“I can’t remember anything about your second debut day.”, he said as he stood up and stepped ahead.
“Where are you going?” I followed him.
“Looking for fresh air.”
 “Oppa… wait for me…!”
He reached out his hand to me. I grabbed his hand. We strolled along the quiet road. We forgot to wear our masks or shawls to cover our face and head but we didn’t really care about that.
“After this, what will we be, oppa?”
“What do you mean? We’re still us, I think”
“Hahaha. Always the same answer.”
“It’s so cold.” He nagged.
I grabbed his arms.
“It’s still cold.” He nagged again. “Let’s go back. We should wear mask, gloves, and shawls.”
I giggled. “Oppa baboya…!”
“Come on. Let’s go back. It’s freezing”
I released his arms and stopped walking.
“Oppa, did you ever love me?”
“What did you say? Are you drunk?”
“Because I ever loved you... I was in love with you. Then, I started to forget it without realizing whether I still love you or not. Up until now, I don’t know whether I still love you or not..."
“...thank you for being partner in work, partner in team, partner in sing, partner in dance, partner in practicing, partner on stage... Thank you so much… We still have long way to go... We don’t know what future holds… It will remain mystery… So, from now on let’s do our best for our dream and future… Be more professional in our field of work… If someday we should collaborate again, just put aside our heart-feeling…” I took a deep breath. 
He smiled widely. 

[Hyunseung] 

I smiled widely. I almost giggled. 
So, that's what we actually feel?, I thought. So, we actually have the same feeling? 
This stupid crazy girl started to say non-sense things. She must be really drunk. What game does she want to play with me? Well, I'll take every game she wants to play with me. Until the day she'll say 'Game Over'.


[Hyuna] 

“Let this be our secret promise…” I showed my pinkie finger on him. “Promise?”
“Another secret promise?” He mingled his pinkie finger with mine and pushed our thumbs together. “Hm… Promise…”
I smiled happily.
“How about partner in keeping our little secret? or partner in keeping secret promise? or partner in playing secret game? You haven’t mentioned it.” He questioned me while releasing our fingers. 
"Or partner in love?" I said mischievously. 
We hesitated for few seconds, stared at each other, and then laughed a lot. 
***
[Hyunseung] [Hyuna]

Partner in love?

Maybe.

Someday.



-THE END-

-ultrautogia-



Friday, January 25, 2013

Our Little Secret (first part)



The Secret Refuge


BGM: JS ft Hyuna - The Words I Don't Want To Hear



[Hyuna]


I knew it will happen. This sensational act was purposed to rise this kind of news. Yeah, we had to perform a shocking act on the stage. And yes, everybody in the company had considered this kind of breakthrough will make us more and more famous. And I have to be ready for any consequences. Haters will more to come. I am very much ready for that. Many people hate me already, what makes it more different by having more haters?
“Hyuna-ah! Daebak! Your kissing act on the stage last week is still the most popular news in many sites!”, said Jihyun-eonni.
“It’s succeed then...” I said unwillingly.
“Waeyo? Shireoyo?”, asked Jihyun-eonni.
“Aniya... It’s just... It’s what they want... It is what the company want. I’m dancing sexily and kissing the sexy namja on the stage and boom! It becomes hit everywhere...hahaha...” I said and laughed a little.
“Are you not feeling well?” asked Jihyun-eonni “Do you have to clarify that it’s just an act? Not a real kiss, right? Are you afraid of haters?”
“Aniya, eonni. Gwenchana.” I smiled. “Kokjong hajima...”
I put on my dancing shoes and my bag on my shoulder. “I have to go, eonni. I have to practice with hyunseung-oppa.”
I walked out of the dorm.
“Hyuna-ah... are you sure you’re okay? If you have any problem with this just tell me, I’ll help you to tell sajangnim...”
“Gwenchana eonni... Annyeong...” I waved my hand and closed the dorm door.

***

I am here again. Staring at every corner of the room. This room is different from the room I used to be few years ago. Yes, few years ago...

It was past midnight. I heard a sound of music in one of rooms in this company. I opened it slowly. It was a large room, almost like storage room, not practice room. There were many unused things such as old mixers, sound systems, microphone, radio tape, broken chair, bench, table, ladders and many other things I couldn’t mention. But then, I saw someone dancing beautifully right in the middle of the room in front of a mirror cupboard. I was stunned by his moves. So alive and soulful. I clapped my hands as soon as the music stopped. He saw me in shocked.
“Who... are... you?” He asked me while trying to take a breath.
“Ah! Annyeong haseyo! Kim Hyuna imnida” I bowed.
“Ah! Hyuna? Wonder Girls?” He asked while wiping his sweat with towel.
I gulped. My face stiffened.
“That was an old story...” I mumbled.
He took a bottle of water and started drinking. Then, he stared at me.
“Sorry... I didn’t mean... Umm... that must be hard for you...”
I nodded.
“I’m so sorry. I know... I know how it feels...” He said as if he really knew how it felt. At that time, I thought he tried to console me or he tried to ask an apologize because he kept staring at me in guilty face.
“Aniya... Gwenchana...” I sighed. “I have buried all my dreams in Wonder Girls and now, I’m here trying to build some new dreams. This is what I call ‘Mission Impossible’, do you do the same?”
“Guerae?” He looked away and packed his things into his bag.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” He zipped his bag. “I’m doing mission impossible.”
“So, let’s do our best!” I cheer ourselves up.
He turned his body to me “But, still... Sorry for earlier...”
“Hmm... It’s okay! As long as we’re still alive and do our best. Don’t give up! That’s what Hong-sajangnim said to me, I almost gave up my dream, but he came to me and said such things. And now, I’m trying to do my best again. We still have long way to go. There is still a chance to reach our dream. That’s what Hong-sajangnim said to me. I think, to you too...”
“Hm... He’s right.” He nodded. ‘Well, anyway... my name is Jang Hyunseung. It seems like we will meet often.”

 “ah! Hyuna, you’re here” A familiar sound woke me up from my memories of past.
“Ya! Oppa! You’re late!” I yelled at Hyunseung-oppa.
“Hahaha... Mianhae... Come on, let’s practice!” 
“Eung~!”

***

[Hyunseung]

Past midnight. It was just two of us. Everybody else have gone home. We’re still practicing for our  performances on music shows. I stared at her reflection in the mirror.
“You missed this part again!” I nagged.
She tried to take a breath. “Stop oppa, stop for a while. I’m tired.”
She walked away to the bench in the corner of the room, took a bottle of water and drank.
“Tsk!” I’m so annoyed.
I practiced my moves in front of the mirror alone. Well, let her alone there. I’m tired. She’s tired. I just don’t wanna yell at her anymore.
“Oppa, let’s go home. I’m tired. Let’s continue tomorrow. Everyone else had gone home since hours ago...”
“You want go home? Then go home!”
“Ha? Mwoya?” He ran to me and hit my head.
“Ya!” I yelled.
She laughed out loud.
“Ya! Hyuna-ah!” I chased her. She ran around the practice room.
I caught her in the waist. She tried to kick me. “Ya! Oppa! Let me go!”
We laughed a lot that night. How could I forget about practicing? How could I play chasing with her? 
“Geumanhae.” I said coldly few minutes later while releasing my arms from her waist. “Let’s practice again.”
“Oppa, you really can’t play, can you?” She teased me again.
“This is not playground. It’s a serious thing!” I walked away from her and started to dance again.  
Suddenly, she ran toward me again and started dancing to the chorus of “Troublemaker” song. We ended up dancing seriously. 
***
I called Jintaek-hyung as soon as I finished our practice. He’ll be here in few minutes. I waited for him in from of the company building.
“Oppa!” Hyuna dashed to me as she finished packing things. “Can I go home with you?”
I glared at her and she unnecessarily made aegyo on her face. “Jebal....” she said cutely.
I sighed. “Hmm...”
“Gomawoyaung...” she again made aegyo.
“How are you?”
“Eh?”
“Our performance on stage last week was a hit. It still becomes news everywhere. How are you? Are you still okay with that?”
"With what? The kissing or the news?"
"Both."
“Ahahaha! Gwenchana oppa. It's usual thing for me." 
"What is the usual thing? The kissing or the news?" I asked confusedly. 
"Both." She answered shortly.
We hesitated.  
"Then... what about you?”, She asked me back.  
I hesitated for a while and gulped my saliva. I didn't dare to see her face. 
“Well... Hmm... It’s troublesome.” 
“Mwo?!!” She yelled.
“Anyway, we’re troublemakers, right? So, it’s okay if it’s troublesome.” I side-eyed her.  
She wrinkled her eyebrows.
A van honked at us.
“Hyung!” I ran into the van.
“Ah! Jintaek-oppa! Annyeong haseyo!” She followed me. “Can you take me to my dorm?”
“Sure, why not?”
She sat beside me happily. I looked away through the window. I would not talk to her along the way home. But, I was wrong. She was so silent. It’s so weird. She was likely to be so talkative. I looked at her. There she is! Sleeping so safe and sound. I thought she was really really tired.
“Hyung... please drive slowly.” I said to Jintaek-hyung.
“Araseo.” Answered Jintaek hyung.
I hold her head and placed it to my shoulder. It was so long time ago. So long ago I liked to do this. I smiled a little bit.
***
[Hyuna]

Our debut as troublemakers was daebak. Still, there were always controversy. Haters are still buzzing around me but that doesn’t matter I knew my fans will always back me up. Yeah, at least everything went well according to the plan. Our debut, our regular practice, our stage performance... all went well. 
However, there is still one thing that doesn’t go well. It’s my feeling to him. I just can’t get rid of it. People may say that I work as a professional, yet they don’t know what’s inside my heart. How my heart always beats faster lately. How I hardly can take a breath properly lately. It’s because of him.
We will have a trip to America, just the two of us. No, actually, all united cube has first  boarded to America. It left two of us. Hyunseung oppa and me will go to America after our music show ended.
“Oppa! Let’s take our selca!”, I said as soon as we got into the plane. “Our fans will scream crazily and happily kekeke.”
“Geurae?”
We ended up taking selca and I uploaded it my account.
“Oppa, do you know that many people want us to be real couple?” I giggled. 
“Hmm... so that what they want? Do you want it too?” He asked as he put on earphone.
I stayed still. I couldn’t answer his damn question. I pretended to be busy playing my phone.
“Excuse me.” A stewardess came to us. “Please turn off your phone, we’re about to board. Thank you.”
We turned off our phone and the plane started to board.
For couple of hours ahead we would just sit here side by side doing nothing. I guessed sleeping was the best thing to do. But, my mind kept wandering around. I looked away at the window. It’s dark. Absolutely, it's past midnight flight. 
Suddenly, something rather heavy fell on my shoulder. Hyunseung-oppa’s head laid on my shoulder. My heart beat faster. I held his hand. It was years ago. Some years ago. We liked to do this thing...

“Secret refuge?” he asked as he turned off the music. “What do you mean?”
It was few months after our first met and few months before I debuted as 4minute. We had been so close.
“Mm.” I nodded. “Let this place become our secret refuge. A secret place just for the two of us.”
He looked around the place. “Is this a secret place? I think everyone knew this place already.”
“aniya oppa. That’s not what I mean! You see? This place is more like a storage room. Are you sure you are allowed to use this place as your practice room?”
“Well, I don’t know. I just want to use it because I want to practice alone and I don’t find any available room.”
I sighed. “Babo!” I yelled and went away.
Hyunseung oppa chased me. “Hyuna-ah! Where are you going?”
“I don’t know! I want to go away from you. I hate you.”
“Waeyo?” He pulled my hand.
“You don’t understand oppa.”
“Okay. Okay. If that's what you want. Let that place become our secret refuge.” 
I sighed again. “That’s why I said you don’t understand oppa!”
I released my hand from him and ran away. 

I giggled remembering that piece of memory. What a silly girl!
Hyunseung-oppa woke up from my giggling. I was shocked and released his hand of me. He brushed his eyes.
“Waeyo? Something funny?” He yawned.
I shaked my head and looked away to the window again.
“Don’t do weird thing.”
I glared at him. “What do you mean weird?”
 “Don’t do aegyo.”
“Jaljayaung... Hyunseungie-oppa eung... Here you are, satisfied?” 
“Go to sleep. You will be exhausted if you don’t sleep.”
He closed his eyes again.
“Hah? What was that for?”
He held my hand and placed his head on my shoulder again. “Go to sleep hyuna-ah...”
My heart skipped a beat. 
“Ne... oppa...” I whispered.
I closed my eyes.
I had a dream. On this floating plane I dreamed about fragments of memories some years ago. 

I peeked at that storage. Hyunseung-oppa was sitting in the middle of the room, staring at his reflection on the mirror cupboard. What is he doing?, I thought.
It’s been two weeks since I fought with him about secret refuge. I never came to the storage since that day. 
He stood up, took his bag, walked outside. I tried to hide but it was too late.
“Hyuna?!” He called me.
“Ha!” I ran away.
“Wait!” He pulled my arms. “What happened with you?”
I shook my head. “Nothing happened.” 
“Why do you disappear?”
“I do not disappear, just so you know. I always come to the practice room if you notice me.” 
“Tsk. Ara! Arayo! You came to practice room, yea, I knew it. I always see you coming to the practice room everyday... But... Ya! Hyuna-ah! Do you forget that we have made promise?” 
“What promise?”
“You really forget about that?” He released my arm and left me.
“Oppa! What promise?” I followed behind him. “Oppa. Tell me!”
He turned his body and walked back to the storage room.
“Ya! Oppa! Wait for me.”
He sat again in the middle of the room.
“Oppa... tell me... tell me... tell me... tell me...” I poked his arms with my index finger uncontinously while sitting beside him.
Hyunseung-oppa patted my head. “Can you stop doing that? Can you stop making me confused? Can you stop making unnecessary promise if you don’t even remember it?”
“Mianhae...oppa... so... won’t you tell me?”
He stood up and took a seat on the almost broken bench in the corner of the room.
“Do you remember our first met?”
I nodded.
“At that time you said we had to pretend that we didn’t know each other if we met in practice room. But then, Hong-sajangnim said that all trainees at least have to know each other's name and we ended  up greeted each other in front of other trainees as if we never met before.” 
I nodded again.
“But, then, you neglected me the day after. You seemed like you didn’t know me before. Yet, we liked to meet here after practicing.  And then you kept insisting that we had to keep pretending that we didn’t know each other or even the fact that we actually are very close to each other.” 
I nodded faster.
“So do you get it now?”
I still nodded.
“That’s why oppa still pretended not to know me or close to me in practice room up until now?”
“That’s why these two weeks I was just like a stupid waiting for you here.”
“Waeyo? Why are you waiting for me?”
He walked toward me and bent his knees in front of me so that we got face to face. He sighed.
“Why are you so stupid?” He nagged again.
“Hmm..... Is it because... because this place is our secret refuge...?” My question floated on the air like morning mist. The moment I realized those lips had taken my breath away. Those soft and wet lips were real. I was not dreaming yet I closed my eyes. Our first kiss. In The Secret Refuge.
***
[Hyunseung]

 “Excuse me, Mr and Ms, we have landed.” A stewardess tried to wake us up.
I lift my head and brushed my eyes with left hand. “Ah ye, thank you.”
My right hand was still holding her hand. She was still in deep sleep. I released my hand from her.
“Ya! Ireona! Hyuna-ah!”
She stayed still.
“Ya! Hyuna-ah!” I yelled right at her ear. “Ireona!!”
She woke up in shocked. Her eyes were swollen and I saw her drolling mark lined down on his cheek.
I laughed out loud. “Hahahahahahahahahaha!”
She combed her hair with her fingers confusedly. She looked down under her chair.
“Oppa, where are my shoes?” her voice cracked.
I laughed again. “Hahahahahahaha!”
“Oppa. Stop laughing and find my shoes!”
I walked out of the plane and left her alone. “Come on, Hyuna! We’re late.”
“Ya! Oppa! Wait for me!”
“Yaaa! Hyunaaaa Ppaliiiii!” I screamed as soon as I stepped on plane ladders.
As the long way to the hotel, Hyuna was just so quiet. It’s so unsual. Is it because what I did on the plane?
Well, she held my hand first, so, I think it’s okay if I also held her hand. That’s a common thing. We usually dance, touch, and held each other’s hand or any other body’s part.
Well, It should be a common thing. It should be... if those things never happened in the past, if those piece of memories never flash in my head, if those feelings never grow in me.
We entered the same building but we didn’t talk at all. We ended up having separate ways. I entered a room in the left where Beast’s members were. And she entered a room in the right where 4minute’s members were.
After all, we were just two strangers. Not knowing each other very well. That was our promise at that time. But, now, I’m paralyzed. Which one is pretending? We know each other very well or we don’t know each other very well? I am trapped. Trapped in her game. I should never get into her game. I should never open my heart for her.
“Ah! Hyunseung ah! You came!” Yoseob greeted me happily. He hugged me and patted my back.
All beast’s members were extremely happy seeing me come safely. Yet, they didn’t know, there was a hurricane inside my heart and mind.



-to be continued

-ultrautogia-





Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Sejak Ada Kamu

Aku tersenyum menatapnya. Aku tertawa bersamanya. Aku membelai tubuh lembutnya. Dia memandangku dalam diam. Dia menyentuh tubuhku perlahan. Dia menikmati saat-saat bersamaku.
Aku menangis di hadapannya. Menceritakan semua hal yang terjadi padaku. Dia selalu mendengarkanku. Kadang-kadang tangannya ingin meraihku.
Aku menciumnya. Aku memeluknya. Dia memejamkan mata dalam kehangatan dan ketenangan.
Sejak ada dia, aku dapat merasakan lagi keindahan dan kebahagiaan yang sudah lama hilang.
"Terima kasih Oscar, sejak ada kamu aku bisa merasakan kebahagiaan lagi. Aku juga bisa melupakan dan merelakan kepergian Rocky."
"Meong...." jawab Oscar sambil menggeliat di atas sofa. 


-ultrautogia- 

#FF2in1

Jangan Hubungi Aku Lagi

"Halo?"
"Ya, halo? Siapa ini?"
"Ini aku, Rendy. Masih inget kan?"
Memoriku melayang ke hari itu, hari dimana aku terakhir kali aku melihatnya. Aku memutuskan untuk meninggalkan dan melupakannya. Aku sudah menutup lembaran ceritaku dengannya. Di hari itu. Hari yang sangat menyakitkan untukku. Namun, hari ini, aku mendengar suaranya. Suara yang sudah lama aku tinggalkan dan lupakan. Suara yang aku rindukan.
"Ah! Rendy!" aku mencoba mengatur nafasku.
"Apa kabar kamu? Kangen banget sama kamu! Eh reuni yuk! Temen-temen ngajak reuni minggu depan di rumah Fendy, kamu bisa dateng kan?"
Aku terdiam. Pandanganku menerawang jauh.
Tiba-tiba terdengar suara tangis bayi dari seberang sana.
"Bayi siapa itu yang nangis?", tanyaku lirih.
"Bayiku. Baru lahir dua bulan yang lalu, ini sekarang lagi digendong istriku. Makanya ayo dateng reuni. Pengen cerita banyak sama kamu!"
"Oh oke. See you next week. Sorry, aku sibuk. Aku tutup ya telponnya."
"Oke, see you next week, Jordan!"
Telepon ditutup.
Maafkan aku, Ren. Jangan pernah hubungi aku lagi. We are never ever getting back together as friends or lovers sejak kamu menikah dengan wanita itu.

-ultrautogia-
#FF2in1

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Manusia Bersayap


Aku membuka sayapku bersiap untuk terbang. Malaikat. Bidadari. Peri. Mungkin nama-nama itulah yang akan orang-orang di bawah sana teriakkan saat melihatku terbang dengan sayap putih yang indah ini. Aku bukanlah ketiganya. Aku hanyalah manusia. Aku hanyalah manusia bersayap. Hari ini mungkin akan menjadi hari yang paling mengejutkan bagi orang-orang tersebut karena mereka bisa melihat seorang manusia bersayap seperti aku. 
Aku berdiri di ujung gedung paling tinggi di kota ini. Aku melebarkan sayapku. Dunia, lihatlah! Aku bisa terbang. Aku manusia terbang. Aku bukan manusia biasa.
"Aku Manusia Bersayap!!" teriakku dengan lantang sambil meloncat terbang dengan sayap putihku. 
"Lihat!!" orang-orang mulai berkerumun dan melihat ke langit, melihatku terbang. Pasti setelah ini mereka akan menganggap aku malaikat, bidadari, atau peri. 
Aku terus terbang di angkasa. Orang-orang semakin banyak yang berkerumun. 
"Ada orang bunuh diri!" teriak seseorang dari bawah sana. 
Apa? Bunuh diri? Bodoh! Aku tidak bunuh diri! Aku manusia bersayap! Aku terbang! Kecepatan terbangku semakin kencang. Aku menukik dengan sangat cepat. Lalu, terdengar bunyi jatuh yang sangat keras. Kepalaku hancur. Badanku remuk. Sayapku lepas. 
"Cepat telpon ambulans! telpon polisi! Ada orang bunuh diri!" 


-ultrautogia- 
#FF2in1

Selingkuh Sekali Saja



Dia melempar tubuhku di atas kasur putih itu. Kami berciuman tanpa henti. Dia mengecupku dengan lembut di setiap bagian tubuhku. Ya, sudah lama aku tidak merasakan ini. Terlalu lama. Sejak suamiku berhenti menyentuhku, sejak suamiku berhenti menciumku setiap pagi, sejak suamiku berhenti mengecupku setiap malam, ya, sejak dia sibuk dengan pekerjaannya. Aku hanyalah seorang istri yang harus berdandan cantik setiap kali ada pesta dengan koleganya. Aku hanyalah seorang istri yang harus bersikap anggun saat aku diperkenalkan dengan mitra kerjanya. Aku hanyalah seorang istri yang harus mempersiapkan sarapan pagi dan makan malamnya. Aku hanyalah istri yang harus mendengarkan keluh kesahnya setiap malam. Yah, itulah aku baginya. 
Namun, saat ini ada dia. Dia yang selalu dapat memuaskan aku di atas ranjang. Ranjang yang biasanya selalu dingin setiap malam. Kami bercumbu dan terus bercumbu. 
Handphone-ku berdering. Aku menahan tubuhnya lalu berusaha meraih handphone-ku. 
"Halo? Kamu dimana? Cepet pulang! Kamu lupa ya? Kita harus dateng ke pesta peresmian restoran Pak Rendy!" bentak suara di ujung sana. 
"Oh iya, pa! Mama lupa! Ya udah mama pulang sekarang!" 
Aku segera menutup telepon dan membereskan barang-barangku. 
"Ra, maaf, aku harus pulang." 
Dia menatapku kecewa sambil memainkan rambut panjangnya. 
"Besok aku ke sini lagi," Aku mengecup keningnya.
"Janji ya?"
"Iya, janji... See you tomorrow, Tiara." Aku membelai rambut gadis cantik itu. 
Aku berlari menuju mobilku yang terparkir di depan rumahnya. Di sepanjang jalan pulang aku hanya termenung, ijinkan aku sekali saja rasakan cinta yang lain, meskipun hanya dengannya, hanya dengan Tiara. 


-ultrautogia- 
#FF2in1

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Happy New Year ! First Post ! Let's Travel !

Happy New Year~!

These past two days (30dec-31dec) I had my holiday in some beaches in East Java and Jogjakarta.

East Java 

First day which was 30 dec 2012, it was a lovely Sunday :) my family and I went to a 'semi-virgin' beach called Pantai Klayar or Klayar Beach. Some said that this beach was unknown back then in the year of 2002. But, lately, people start to visit this beach. Well, let's say, to reach this beach we have to struggle. The road is so narrow with ravines on the left and right sides. Too narrow for two cars. So, it will be so much difficult and dangerous when there are cars from different direction coming toward us.... :s I was fully awake and concentrated to the road because I was so afraid :|
Our car got stuck on what so called bunch-of-mountain-rocks-and-mud... That was soooooooooooooo frightening and it couldn't move at all and we got ravine beside us........... >o<
Well, yeah, that was a bit about our journey, hopefully, they will expand the road for the safety.........

Ok, now, the beach ! It was a beautiful beach ! yes, beautiful....
Not many people were there and the sound of the sea and wave and wind are so beautiful......
The wave is quite strong but I think it's fine if we just walk along the seashore (well, actually there are any signs which shows some dangerous areas)
The 'islands' (I don't know what's the name LOL) are so beautiful too. And actually there was some beautiful things beyond those 'islands' but I didn't go there because my sister didn't want to, she was too tired and I had to accompany her -_- ugh... (now I regret it because my mom said it was beautiful)
My mom said there was some holes on the rocks or maybe coral which will make "CHUUUUU" sounds when the water splash to the air... I watched her video of this phenomena and I made 'I want to go there' expression :( I wish I could turn back time and left my sister and went there :'(

but, well, Yeah...............
I still got some pictures of this beach :)



Well, actually, only two pictures :p

Alright, after spending some time in klayar beach, we moved to another place. It was a cave.
What cave? It is called 'Goa Gong'. A cave that can make 'Gong' sound. How come?
Well, first thing first, I will tell you what is Gong.

Gong is a traditional music instrument from Indonesia (especially Java) which make 'gong' sound when we hit it.
just like in this picture :)

Well, enough said about the 'Gong' thingy... 
Now, Goa Gong (Gong Cave), just like the name, Goa Gong is a cave that can make 'gong' sound like Gong makes. How can it be? apparently it is because of the stones inside the cave. Goa Gong is a stalactite and stalagmite cave. So, shortly, Goa Gong is a limestone cave. 

And here I got some pictures of it 


The last picture is the highlight! It is the only stone that can make 'gong' sound when we hit it. 

Side notes: When we are inside the cave, we are not allowed to say unnecessary things and we have to respect the area (kinda sacred, I think) and it is very hot inside. But, don't worry, there are many blowers provided inside the cave. :) 

Jogjakarta

Second day was 31 dec 2012, after getting not really enough rest, we went to other beaches. Indrayanti Beach and Krakal Beach. 
Indrayanti Beach was soooooooooooo freaking crowded -____- 
Well, I kinda couldn't feel the atmosphere of the beach because I barely heard the sounds of the sea, only screaming of many people there. And I barely enjoyed the view, people were everywhere............... 

But, fortunately, there was that 'island' standing so still so high over there and we all allowed to climb it. Yay! My sister and I decided to climb that 'island' and got the best view of all angles (LOL :D) 
From that top of 'island', we could see the whole seashore from one beach to another and the seashore and the sea. B-E-A-UTIFUL ! 

And here I got some pictures of it 


Well, yeah, that's all that I could get from the top of the 'island'. It was so beautiful and breathtaking. 

After visiting Indrayanti beach, we moved to another beach called Krakal beach, but I didn't take any sneak peek of the beach because we were so tired and we kinda enjoyed the view, so we just sat on the sands safe and sound. kekekeke :p 

These two days were freaking both exciting and tiring. It's exciting because it felt like it's been years since I visit beach or sea. The sounds of the wave and sea, the scent of sea, the salty air, the super wind of the sea, and the unique sands...... I love them. Yet, it's tiring so I sometimes thought that when we traveled from one place to another place we might find annoying things (it can be anything) or we might think that home is the best place. 

Overall, that was the last trip in 2012. Let's make more and more trips and journeys in 2013 and the years after. Let's travel around the world ! 

Happy New Year ! ^^



-ultrautogia-