Pathetic Loner

Apart of being in happiness, that is pathetic. Pathetic that I often feel when I'm alone. Worse, that pathetic feeling brings along loneliness.
I knew, I knew it already that once we grow older, we will eventually lose our friends. No wonder many people feel lonely in their life. 
I, sometimes, feel the way they feel. 
Everybody has his/her own business, and meddle one's business is definitely not good. That's what I feel and think now. I, lately, come alone to campus, head to library, read some books or references, and feel the peace inside alone. At some points I may need some peace of mind and heart to be alone only with me and myself. But, well, yeah, too much consuming such kind of treatment is kinda tiring... This peace of mind and heart in the silence or loneliness is not always makes me feel the peace. I need friends to talk to, to discuss or argue with, or to joke around with. I thought I have them when I was still a freshman in this campus... But where are them now? Oh! They're busy. Busy handling their own business, just like I do. They don't mind me and so do I. 
Well, yeah, maybe it is the time for me to grow a little bit older, I have to learn something new. My friends are not with me. I'm a pathetic loner. The problem is how long will I endure this kind of thing? Or how long will I get used to this kind of thing and at certain point this becomes a common thing so I don't need to feel fed up. So that I can grow older and grow up to see that life can be so pathetic and lonely without friends. Or how long will I endure until I stop defining myself as a pathetic loner? Because maybe I'm not a pathetic loner, maybe I'm just alone and sometimes feel pathetic and lonely. 
I born alone. I die alone. 
I may live with them. 
I may be alone.
I may be lonely. 
I may feel the emptiness. 
I may be a pathetic loner
I can only say "thank you" to life. I grew a little bit older.
I grew up. So that I can feel the way normal people may feel in their life.

-ultrautogia-