Seandainya Aku Dapat Mendua

Aku memegang pipiku yang kemerahan. Matanya merah dan tangannya masih saja melayang di udara.

“Dasar wanita murahan!”, umpatnya. “Beraninya kamu mengkhianati aku!!”

Dia mencekik leherku. Nafasku hampir terhenti. “Bu…nuh… sa…ja… a…ku…”

Dia melepaskan tangannya dari leherku. Lalu, terduduk lesu di ujung ruangan.

“Pergi! Pergi dari rumah ini dan jangan kembali lagi! Aku nggak mau melihat wajahmu atau wajah bayi yang ada dalam perutmu itu!!”

Aku tertatih-tatih beranjak dan mengemasi barangku. Airmataku menetes deras.

“Maafkan aku…”, ujarku lirih sebelum menutup pintu rumah itu lalu pergi meninggalkannya. 

Maafkan aku. Seandainya saja aku dapat mendua. Seandainya saja… Namun, aku tidak bisa... 

Hati ini hanya miliknya. Hanya miliknya. Aku berlari menghampiri ayah dari bayi ini. 

-ultrautogia-

#FF2in1

Love of Umbrella

I heard the sound of rain outside the class. I sighed.

“I can’t go home…” I mumbled.

“Why?” he asked me.

“I don’t bring my umbrella…”

“I bring mine. You can use it.”

“Eh? What about you?”

“We can go home together, right?”  He smiled at me.

I heard the sound of thumping in my heart. I didn’t know what it was but it seemed like butterflies were in my stomach. 

I nodded shyly. “Hmm…”

I heard the sound of the rain around me.
Ten years had passed since that day, but I still held his blue umbrella. 

I walked toward him. “Hi, how are you?” I greeted him.

He kept silent.  

I bent my knees. “Thank you for being my umbrella these past ten years. I miss you.”

RIP
Victor Andreas
1 July 1985 - 17 March 2002

-ultrautogia- 

#FF2in1

Puzzle of Memory

Memories are like puzzles. Piece by piece.

You can remember or forget it. You can arrange or mess it.

You can complete or lost it. You can collect or throw it.

My puzzle is a memory of him. I decided to finish my puzzle.

But, I lost the last piece. I need to find it. No matter what happens.

I brought my puzzle today. I saw him right there. My last piece. I wanted to take it immediately.

I approached him and reached his hand.

“Congratulation on your marriage” I smiled widely.

I finally finished my puzzles of memories.

-ultrautogia-

I wish I could finish my puzzle of memory with him.

The title and idea were inspired by 
Vampire Boy (Koishite Akuma)-Japanese Dorama

I'm not afraid of death, but I'd like to be a vampire. A random thought.

This thing randomly appeared in my head. And I just wanna share it.

I recently realized that vampire actually is afraid of death. That's way they threw away their soul to evil and became immortal. They can't die.

I, for some reasons, am not afraid of death. But, somehow, I'd like to be a vampire, If I could.

It's not because I wanna be immortal. No. I just wanna live longer than what can I imagine.

Vampires can heal their own wound. They never get sick or ill or hurt.

They drink blood of anyone, whether their preys have some serious disease in their blood or not, they just don't get any effect on their body or life or blood.

They also are not afraid of being infected by some illness.

Is that kind of life convenient?

You can heal your own wound.
You don't feel painful or hurt.
You can't get sick or ill.
You can't die.

If I had a chance, I wanna heal my own disease, I wanna heal my own wound, I don't wanna feel in pain, I don't wanna feel hurt. I don't wanna get sick or ill. I wanna be healthy. I wanna live longer.

I may not need to be a vampire.

I just wanna have my healthy life. And I wanna live longer.

That's all.

Fix You

Aku berdiri memaku di depan kamarnya.

Tok. Tok. Tok.

“Jangan masuk!!”, teriaknya.

Aku mendengar isak tangisnya. Aku hanya ingin tahu ada apa. Aku ingin memeluknya. Aku ingin menghapus airmatanya. Aku ingin selalu menemaninya apapun yang terjadi.

Aku membuka pintu kamarnya. Aku melihatnya menangis sesenggukan di dalam selimut.

“Kamu kenapa? Ada masalah?”

“Udah dibilang jangan masuk ya jangan masuk!!”, teriaknya dari dalam selimut.

Aku memegang selimutnya.

“Jangan pegang-pegang!!”

“Sayang, kamu kenapa?”

Tangisnya semakin kencang. Aku tidak tahu apa yang harus aku lakukan. Aku hanya bisa menangis.

Sejenak kemudian dia membuka selimutnya lalu memelukku.

“Maafkan aku, ma. Maaf.” Dia terus menangis dalam pelukku. 

“Ada apa?”

Dia terus menangis dan menangis lalu dengan suara sangat lirih dia berbisik padaku “Aku hamil ma…”

Airmataku menetes. Badanku bergetar kencang. Aku memeluknya kencang. Kami menangis. Sangat lama. 

Aku tidak tahu harus berkata apa. Aku tidak tahu harus berbuat apa. Aku hanya ingin melindunginya.

Jika hal itu membuatnya tenang, jika hal itu membuatnya berhenti menangis, aku akan terus melindunginya. Meskipun mulai saat ini bebanku mungkin akan bertambah berat. Tapi, aku akan terus menemaninya. Apapun akan aku lakukan. Aku akan terus bersamanya. Sampai kapanpun. 

-ultrautogia-

#FF2in1

Tunggulah Aku

Aku membuka album foto tua itu.

Dia tertawa. Cantik sekali. Dia tersenyum. Manis sekali.

Dia memakai gaun putih panjang. Sebuket bunga merah di tangannya. Hari yang paling bahagia untuknya. Seandainya dapat terulang lagi.

Till death do us part.

Sebuah catatan kecil tertera di ujung bawah foto tersebut. Aku menghela nafasku.

“Di mana kamu sekarang?”, gumamku. “Apa kamu masih ingat janji kita dulu?”

Airmataku mengalir.

“Kakek?”, panggil cucuku. “Ah, kakek lagi-lagi menangis. Kakek kangen sama nenek ya?”

Aku menutup album foto tersebut dan menghapus airmataku.

“Kakek hanya ingin segera bertemu nenek lagi.”

“Kakek ngomong apa sih! Ayo masuk kek! Di luar dingin.”

Aku menatap langit hitam. Jika kamu di atas sana, jika kamu masih ingat janji kita, tunggulah aku, aku akan segera ke tempat kamu berada. Di manapun itu, aku pasti menepati janji kita. 

-ultrautogia-

#FF2in1

Bitter-Sweet Macchiato

It was raining outside.

As usual, I sat alone in this café. A familiar waitress came to me.

“A cup of hot macchiato”, she said as she put it on my table. 

“Thank you.”

I looked outside the window.

“Will he come?” My mind wandered around him. 

I met him a week ago. It was a rainy day. I came alone to this café. He was standing next to me. We ordered same coffee. Macchiato.

“Macchiato, please”, we said to the waitress at the same time. 

I turned my face at him, he smiled at me.

“Hot or cold?”, asked the waitress.

“Hot, please”, we answered the waitress at the same time. 

I turned my face at him again, he smiled at me again.

“Two hot macchiato. Please wait a moment.” 

His phone rang. He walked away, busy talking on the phone. I glanced at him in silence.

“Here is your hot macchiato.” The waitress handed me hot macchiato. 

He kept talking on the phone. I passed by him, took my umbrella, and left the café.  

I still looked outside the window, hoping he would come again.

“Hot macchiato. Please wait a moment.” I heard a voice of a waitress. 

I couldn’t believe what I saw. It’s him. Standing alone over there waiting for his macchiato.

His phone rang. He picked it up. I faintly heard what he said.

“Where are you?”, he hesitated. “Ok, I’m waiting for you at café.”

“Here is your hot macchiato”, said the waitress as he hung up his phone.

He paid the macchiato, walked outside, and stood in front of the café. 

I looked at him silently through the window.

One minute.

Once in a while he sipped his macchiato.

Three minutes.

I was still not moving. He was still not moving.

Five minutes. 

Suddenly, a man with red umbrella ran toward him.

He kissed that man on lips.

Then, they strolled along the sidewalk under that sweet red umbrella.

I smiled bitterly and sipped my macchiato.

“Ah, bitter-sweet.”, I said to myself.

-ultrautogia-