Tahun Anugerah - The Year of Grace - Part 1: Study

Shalom...

Ini adalah postingan pertama di tahun 2014 sekaligus postingan pertama tentang kesaksian. v^_^v

Oke, pertama-tama, aku cuma mau mengingatkan bahwa tahun 2013 kemarin adalah Tahun Anugerah. Di gerejaku meyakini bahwa tahun 2013 adalah Tahun Anugerah.

Jujur, aku sebenernya agak pesimis dengan tahun 2013 dan aku nggak tahu dimana letak anugerah itu.

Tapi, yang namanya anugerah itu memang kadang-kadang datangnya nggak terduga-duga bahkan tanpa disadari juga.

Selama tahun 2013, aku memang hampir tidak mengalami anugerah di bidang studi (hampir tidak itu bukan berarti tidak sama sekali loh ya...)

Di tahun itu, aku cukup putus asa sama studiku, skripsiku buntu dan macet. Sampai-sampai aku ngambek dan off dari urusan per-skripsi-an selama berbulan-bulan-bulan-bulan lamanya...

Lalu, pada akhirnya, di satu momen aku tersadar bahwa aku nggak bisa begini terus. Nggak tahu gimana caranya, aku harus dapet topik, ga peduli apapun dan gimana pun caranya. Setelah browsing sana-sini, pontang-panting dari satu toko buku ke toko buku lainnya, aku dapet juga topik yang mau aku bahas. Oke, ternyata masalah belum selesai... buku versi inggris yang aku butuhkan memang bisa di download sih, tapi buku yang versi bahasa indonesia itu ternyata terbitan lawas... dan itu susah banget nyarinya. Tapi, bukan Tuhan Yesus namanya kalo nggak ngasih solusi di waktu-waktu yang nggak terduga dan melalui orang-orang yang nggak terduga. Singkat cerita, akhirnya, aku bisa dapet buku itu melalui online order. (Thank You, Jesus.)

Ya, memang cuma segitu sih cerita tentang studiku... memang nggak terlalu banyak mujizat untuk studi yang aku alami sepanjang tahun 2013, tapi aku bersyukur karena jalanku dalam mencari topik dipermudah... sebenernya kalo aku mau mencoba semuanya bisa terjadi. Hanya saja, waktu itu aku terlalu lama menunda-nunda tugasku mencari topik, terlalu lama move on, terlalu lama kecewa dan sakit hati...

Pertolongan Tuhan itu memang luar biasa, saat aku mau bangkit lagi dan bergantung kepadaNya, Dia akan menyediakan jalan bagiku.

===================================================================

Shalom...

This is my first post ever in 2014 and... my first post ever about testimony... (it's all about the first, isn't it?)

Okay, first thing first... I just want to remind you that 2013 was namely The Year of Grace. Especially, in my church, we believe that 2013 was The Year of Grace.

Honestly, I was a bit desperate in 2013 and I wondered where the grace was.

But, you can never doubt grace because sometimes grace comes in silence and in unexpected way.

In 2013, I almost never experienced grace in my study (but that doesn't mean that I didn't experience it)

Instead of felt the grace, I was rather desperate with my study, my thesis was so stuck. I was fed up with it and decided to take a break for months... months... months...

Then, at a certain point, I snapped myself that I couldn't be like this forever. I took my efforts, no matter how and what happened I had to get topic to discuss for my thesis. After browsing and wandering around from one bookstore to another... I found my topic to talk about. Okay, it's not over yet... the book itself was the problem... The English version of the book can be downloaded freely but the Indonesian version was really hard to get...

But, that's how Jesus worked... He works in times that I don't know through the people that I don't know... Shortly, I could get the book via online order (Thank You, Jesus.)

Well, that's all I got for my study testimonial in 2013, not much, but worth enough (for me, at least). Somehow, I feel that Jesus easen my way to find topic.That's just me who was too long to feel dejected and disappointed. I just need to wake up and get up to keep on trying and He will do his way.

*special thanks to JESUS CHRIST for His infinite grace to me, elysa faith ng (the daughter of clara ng) who gave me inspiration for taking the topic after reading her post on her blog about Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling, and mas nikotopia who (out of nowhere) gave me a link of a wonderful online bookstore website*

-ultrautogia- 

Take Me All The Way

Eye to eye. Skin to skin.
He could see through my blue eyes. He could touch my fair skin.
Ear to ear. Lips to lips.
He could listen to my soft voice. He could kiss my smooth lips.
"I wanna be with you forever." I said to him.
"Me too." He answered me.
"But we can't." My voice triggered.
He stayed silent.
"I must go. You know, I can't stay here forever." I said to him as I stroke his hair.
"Then, take me with you..."
"No, you can't go back if you go with me..."
"Well, that's okay. I don't wanna go back as long as I'm with you. Take me all the way."
I smirked. "Are you sure? Then, close your eyes."
He closed his eyes for few seconds, the moment he opened his eyes, he's really with me.
"Now, you're with me. In my world. In the mirror. In the world of shadows." I said as I embraced him. " We can love each other forever."

-ultrautogia- 

#FF2in1

Goodbye... You...

Goodbye...
You...

You are the wind that flowing.
You are the wind that blowing.
You are the breeze in the morning.
And I am falling.

You flow in uncertainty.
You blow in mortality.
You fly in vanity.
And I sink into your gravity.

You roll and turn around.
You go upside down.
You get your own throne.
And I'm being thrown.

You rise and shine.
Ring the bell of win.
Leaving me behind.
Without a glance or a blink.

Goodbye...
You...

by: ultrautogia 

Move on ! 

Goodbye to you ! 

Hello Again !

Hello again ! 

I miss my blog so much ! 

Recently, I couldn't post anything and even access my blog... I just didn't know why... 

Until yesterday, my internet connection was so bad and yuck (well, actually, the internet connection didn't work at all !). Terrible !! 

I was so angry and annoyed. Then, my friend suggested me to call the provider and complain about it. So, I called the provider and complained about it. 

Okay, after a long process of dialing some numbers, I could connect to the technician (or whatever you call him). I told him what the problems and he asked me to wait. Well, after some moments he asked whether my internet connection had worked or not. Alas, it didn't work yet ! Then, he asked me to do some procedures on my internet connection setting in my laptop. Yeah, it was a long long long way to do. 

And.... Voila ! My internet connection came back to normal ! 

Well, that's not surprising actually... But, it made me happy because some days ago I couldn't access some sites like blogspot, tumblr, wordpress, and other sites. Everytime I wanted to access them, I must had been redirected to adfly and google and I really couldn't access the sites I wanted to visit. That's so weird. I could only access  certain sites like twitter, facebook, soundcloud, and youtube. Even then, sometimes the connection redirected me to google or adfly. So, it was like a flicker connection. At a certain time I could access it, but some time, I couldn't. 

That's why, I was so annoyed with my internet connection and too lazy to use the internet connection. My anger was at its peak when the internet connection couldn't connect at all yesterday. But, that was also a fortunate event, I mean, if the internet connection didn't go wrong like yesterday, I might not complain, I might not get my internet connection back to normal, I might not be able to access this blog. 

Oh well, yeah, what I wanna say is... 

Sometimes, bad things happen to us because it is the way to make everything else get better. 

This is only a simple thing I wanna share. 

The most annoying thing that happen in my life can be solved and make everything else beyond it get better. 

This is only about the story of internet connection, the sites, and me. 

Overall, I just want to write in this blog. 

I really miss writing here. 

~^.^~

-ultrautogia-

Almost Lost You

My heart skipped a beat. 

My breath was almost taken away. 
I almost lost you, my blog. 
Don't ever leave me... I love you my blog. 

That was a very shocking hot day, I wanted to log in to my blog, but I couldn't. I searched my blog on google, I opened my blog site, but it always showed 'ERROR'. 

OH MY GOD ! What happened?!! I almost cried a river... 

And so, I moved so fast to save my lovely blog. 

Thank God ! I still managed to save you, my blog. 

I love you. Please just stay with me. Always with me. Don't go away. 

:)

-ultrautogia- 

Bernafas Untuknya.

Aku melihat bayanganku di dalam cermin.
Sama.
Aku melihat bayangannya di dalam cermin.
Sama.
Aku menarik nafasku dalam-dalam. Berat. Terasa sangat berat.
Kabut tebal tampak menggantung di udara malam ini. Dingin. Aku merasa sangat kedinginan.
Semua terasa membeku.
Dia menggenggam tanganku. Kulit yang lembut itu menyentuh kulitku. Dingin. Aku masih saja merasa kedinginan.
Perasaanku terasa membeku.
Aku memeluk tubuhnya dan dia mendekapku dalam dadanya. Aku mendengar detak jantungnya yang stabil.
Namun, aku masih merasa dingin dan membeku.
Kita masih sama. Kita tidak berubah.
Tapi, jauh di dalam sana, sesuatu sudah berubah di antara kita.
"Jadi, kita harus mengakhirinya hari ini?", bisikku pelan.
"...Iya...", jawabannya terdengar berat dan tertahan.
"Benar-benar mengakhirinya?", tanyaku lagi.
"Maaf, aku harus melakukan ini demi keluargaku... Hanya dengan menikahi perempuan itu maka keluargaku akan..."
"Aku tahu... Menikahlah dengannya.", kataku sambil melepas pelukannya.
Dia masih menggenggam tanganku. Tatapan matanya yang dalam masih sama. Namun, perasaannya sudah jadi dingin.
"Aku tidak akan mengganggu hidupmu lagi.", ujarku sebelum dia pergi meninggalkanku.
Ya, aku tidak akan mengganggumu lagi, tidak akan mencarimu lagi, tidak akan mengharapkanmu lagi.
Aku tidak akan lagi bernafas untukmu.
Aku hanya akan bernafas untuknya.
Untuk bayimu yang sekarang bernafas di dalam kandunganku.

-ultrautogia- 

FF2in1

Cinta Tak Kasat Mata

Dia adalah mahkluk paling sempurna yang pernah ada dalam hidupku. Kecantikannya tidak tertandingi apapun yang ada di dunia ini. Matanya yang bulat, hidungnya yang mungil, bibirnya yang merah merekah, rambutnya yang panjang tergerai, dan tubuhnya yang tinggi dan langsing. Dia adalah kesempurnaan yang diciptakan Tuhan hanya untukku. Itulah gambaran tentang dirinya di mataku. Aku tidak pernah membayangkan bahwa aku akan bertemu dengannya hari itu. Saat aku merasa duniaku sudah hampir saja hancur karena sebuah kecelakaan mobil. 

Dia datang menghampiriku dan mewarnai hidupku lagi. 

Dia menerimaku apa adanya meskipun aku bukan lagi manusia sempurna. 

Dia melengkapi hidupku dan membuatku kembali merasa sempurna. 

Dia membuatku mengenal arti cinta yang sebenarnya. 

Dia membawaku untuk percaya pada cinta yang tak dapat dilihat secara kasat mata. 

Dia mengajariku untuk percaya walau tanpa melihat. 

Ya, mata kami berdua buta. 

-ultrautogia-

#FF2in1