semi-hiatus

i will be semi hiatus because i have a lot of things to do~~~ my studies kill my time... i need to arrange a lot of things back. SIGH~~~!

i just dunno why this semester seems so much hard for me...
i feel so frightened yet excited... well, i just dunno why all feelings fill my heart in this semester...may be because this is my last year in college...

i still need to update my blog because i feel so alive here...

but. may be i will not as intense as before...

i will just spend my time in blogging as long as i could...

well, after all semi hiatus means i do exist but i'm not always around. :)))

-ultrautogia-

Life is not that easy (question mark)

Life is not that easy. Why do i say so? I talk about CHOICES. Life is about lots of CHOICES. we can do nothing except CHOOSE or DECIDE. Well, that's quite hard for me. I never like choices, i never like choosing, i never like deciding...

Well... i wish i could skip that kind of thing !

However... the more i try to runaway the more choices come to me... 

I feel like it is useless to escape.. I have to face it. 

Like a coward. yes, maybe i'm a coward. Or, anyone can say that to me... 

I learn lots of things in this life.... sacrifice... yes, when i make a choice.... i have to sacrifice something else (that maybe important or less important but i like it or want it... but really need it... complicated, huh?)

I HAVE SACRIFICED LOTS OF THINGS TO DECIDE OR CHOOSE SOMETHING OVER OTHERS... !! that, somehow, makes me sad.... 

But... I never find that my choice disappoint me... I have just to keep moving forward... 

It will never end... make choice, decide, choose... i will have to do it, maybe, all the way i live...
something that I dislike the most but I have to do it the most... 

Somehow... i find it challenging... i want to love make choice, decide, or choose... I have to love it... 

Yah, life is not that easy.... It's not that easy to decide loving my-most-hateful-thing like making choice... 

Yah, life is not that easy... It's not that easy to choose sacrifying my-loving-thing over others just for good sake... 

well, I have to stop here. I gotta make choices again. Ppyong~~!

MY FAVORITE CHOCO SNACK~~~KYANG KYANG KYANG~~~!!!

IT'S HELLO PANDA !!! 

HELLO PANDA HELLO PANDA... !!! 

I LOVE CHOCOLATE FLAVOUR THE MOST !! 

*no commercial tendencies yah !! NOTE THAT*

 I just share what I like here ^___^

WHEN I AM DEAD, MY DEAREST

An Analysis of Christina Rosetti's poetry titled "When I Am Dead, My Dearest"

When I am dead, my dearest is a poetry which shows that death is actually a happy ending and a start of eternal life.

The first stanza of the poetry tells that death should not be something sad.

When I am dead, my dearest,

Sing no sad songs for me

From that verse, it shows that death is actually not a sad state. It is better to face it with singing no sad song. Singing no sad song means mourning or regretting. There is no way back in death. Death can not be replayed or flashbacked. So, there is no use regretting or mourning it. This poetry wants to tell that people should realize that in facing death people should be wise. Death is sometimes can be the only best end. Sometimes death is not always seen as something sad, but something good. It is also believed that death is not actually an end. There is life after death, the eternal life. So there is no need to sing a sad song to the death because they already live in another world.

The second stanza of the poetry tells that death is the ending of secular immortal life and the beginning of eternal life.

I shall not see the shadows,

I shall not feel the rain;

I shall not hear the nightingale

From those verses, it shows that death brings something called numb. When someone dies, he can not feel, see, hear, touch, taste, and do everything. He just stays still. People may think that this state is horrible and frightening or sad and sorrowful. But, for the death this state is not that bad because they can no more feel pain. It shows that death is the climax. Death is the end of facing immortal life and world. Death makes realize that actually human being is just dust that can not do anything. So, death should be something to contemplate.

Haply I may remember,

And haply may forget.

That verse shows that there is life after death. When someone dies, he can no more do anything, even remembers or forgets. However, that verse mentions remember and forget. Human can remember and forget when they are alive. So, it means, there is a life after death. Life after death is something mysterious. We, as human being, may never know what will actually happen in life after death. We may remember about our life in the world, or may forget.

To sum up, this poetry talks about death. Death should not be something sad. For some reason, death brings both ending and beginning of life. Death also gives no more pain. Death seems makes people can not do anything, but there is life after death that makes the death becomes alive and do something in eternal life. Whether it’s remembering or forgetting. 

-ULTRAUTOGIA-

is it really the end?

i watched the last part of Harry Potter yesterday~
i cried almost half of the movie... the saddest Harry Potter movie ever~~~
Remembering how i grew up along with Harry Potter.... more than ten years... and it is just over right away~~~

I cried because the story was epic and also the movie was so great... moreover i cried because there are no more Harry Potter movie anymore...

I still remember how I always struggle along with my friends to get the tickets~~ I also remember when I was in junior high, I was so happy to get free ticket to watch Harry Potter~~

Harry Potter didn't only leave some impressive moment and memories from the novels, stories, and movies... but also... more than that... some irreplaceable friendship, struggling, tears, laugh, anger, love, and more and more and more childhood memories.

I will never forget all the novels and movies series of Harry Potter. I grew up with those. I lived my childhood with those. And I will never regret it.

Special Gift

I believe that everyone is given a special person as a gift in his or her life.

I felt so alone. I felt so lonely. No reasons. No answers. Even when I was in a crowd or in noisy places, I often felt it. But, that day was a turning point for me. Just like other days, it was a hot and tiring day when I first met him.

Later, I realized that he was a gift for me. He was a senior in high school. He was an ordinary boy. There was nothing special about him. However, he looked so shiny and sparkling in my heart. Whenever and wherever I felt so lonely he was always there for me. His words embraced me tightly. His jokes kept my spirit on fire. His smiles pulled me up. He taught me about being alone and loneliness.

“No matter how hard it is, no matter how alone you are or how lonely you are, you have to enjoy your life. Don’t take it too seriously. Find a lot of things that remind you about happiness and togetherness. Remember, you have friends and families around you.” He added “Keep smiling. Keep laughing.”

His words kept running in my mind. I never forget about it. Since he was with me, I never felt alone and lonely anymore. I was in love with him. It felt like a warm Sunday morning that woke me up with smiley face. It felt like colorful flowers bloomed and spread lovely fragrant around me. So nice. So beautiful. So sweet.

But, that gloomy cloudy cold night, I got some serious problems with him. We fight. We got angry. We messed our relationship up. He left me. I couldn’t believe he went away without thinking about my feelings for him. I felt so dejected, downhearted, and forlorn.

“Is it fake? Your love and care are fake? Is it fake?!!” I wailed.

Then, loneliness filled my heart again. I couldn’t shout for help from him anymore.

“He went away… you have to struggle by yourself now…,” I said to myself.

However, his words about being alone and lonely reminded me.

“I must be with my friends and family, I have them,” I thought.

I had to stand so tall without him. I believed I could through it all.

A Few months later, I could overcome my loneliness. I realized that my family and friends were always there with me to help me through all of it. I thanked him because he reminded me about it. Although he had left me, I never hated him. I wish he never forgot about me because I will never forget about him. He was my special gift. And this I believe.

SOMETHING CHILDISH BUT VERY NATURAL WRITTEN IN GERMANY

AN ANALYSIS OF POETRY TITLED SOMETHING CHILDISH BUT VERY NATURAL WRITTEN IN GERMANY BY SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE

Something Childish, but very Natural Written in Germany is a poetry about someone who misses his childhood.

In the first stanza,

If I had but two little wings

And were a little feathery bird,

To you I’d fly, my dear.

It implies that he remembers about his fun and happy childhood when he freely imagined about a lot of things.

The second stanza,

But my sleep to you I fly

I’m always with you in my sleep!

The world is all one’s own.

Bu then one wakes, and where am I?

All, all alone.

The first, second, and third line imply that when he was a child he could rely on somebody around him. Whether it was his mom, dad, brother, sister, anyone. Everyone took care of and helped him. No one left him alone.

The fourth and fifth line imply that he realize about reality in life. As he grows up, everybody can leave him alone. He knows that life is not as easy as he thought. He has to struggle alone to live. No one can help him now.

The third stanza,

Sleep stays not, though a monarch bids;

So I love to wake ere break of day;

For though my sleep be gone,

Yet while ‘tis dark shuts one’s lids,

And still dreams on.

It implies that he hopes that he can be a child. He wants to turn back time. He wishes that what he is struggling right now is only a dream. He wishes that if his childhood is only a dream, he doesn’t want to wake up, he wants to keep dreaming.

So, this poetry is about someone who misses his childhood. He remembers about his fun and happy childhood when he could imagine everything that he wanted to. When he was a child, he could rely on everybody around him. His mom, dad, brothers, sisters, anyone. He could ask for help from everybody. Everyone took care of and loved him. But, as soon as he grew up, he knows that he couldn’t forever rely on others. He has to face reality. He has to face real life. He has to struggle. He has to do efforts. Gradually, he realizes that everyone is not always helping and taking care. They leave him alone and he has to stand on by himself. Then, he feels so tired of life, he wishes that it was only a dream. He wants to return to his childhood when everything seems so simple, easy, fun and happy. And he wishes that if his childhood is only a dream, he doesn’t want to wake up. He wants to keep dreaming.

Conclusion

Sometimes, we may feel the same way. We feel tired of life and reality and want to go back to our childhood. However, the reality is not like that.  We have to face our reality. Our childhood remains memories. It is better to keep our childhood our childhood as the sweetest memory and make it precious to help us stronger in fighting and struggling.

-ultrautogia-